My mom asked me recently why I train BJJ.
“You come home your face is bruised, ear messed up, black eyes, you are handsome why do you want to ruin your face?!”
All moms think their sons are handsome. Plus all moms shudder at the thought of someone hurting their child.
One time my nose was crooked for a week. They called me J-nose… Not funny people…My WIFE started that joke… Broke the same finger 2 times. Broke my toe, Jacked up elbows, jacked up right knee, very bad neck injury that had my arm numb for 3 months. It still comes and goes. Bit a hole through my cheek once training with no mouth guard. Had a bubble on my shin bone from colliding shins.
“Why do you do this to yourself? You can get in shape going to the gym.”
Yes. You are right I can. But here’s the difference.
One day I will lay on my death bed, and I will have my life flash in front of my face, and I will ask myself did I do everything to uncover all the greatness that lives in me?
And on that day I want the answer to be YES. I took risks. I took the bull by the horns.
I exposed myself. I saw my own bullshit front and center and i said you suck.
I put myself out there I took the hits I took the beatings, I waged war on my worst enemy, every single week, week in and week out. That enemy was ME.
Most people will never get on the mat for even a day, let alone months years or a lifetime. Most people are average. Most people won’t seek the greatness in them, because they are programmed to play it safe.
MOST don’t even know they HAVE greatness in them.
Or if they do it’s too “risky” to try to uncover it.
The small me is a real little bitch. I said it.
The me that will try to destroy everything that is higher purpose, simply for it’s own existence to continue to live in what it perceives as comfort.
You will meet adversity. But you will never meet an enemy like yourself.
I am not a religious person, but I do believe in a higher energy, a higher calling and something greater than us.
I will not try to insult it by labeling what it is, I just know in my life I have touched IT through my own art.
In the Jewish religion, Kabbalistic studies I have read this recently:
(This is taken from Steven Pressfield’s book – Turning Pro which everyone should go out and buy now!)
There is a second self inside you ——
an inner, shadow self. This self doesn’t care about you. It does not love you.
It has it’s own agenda and if given the chance it will kill you. it will kill you like cancer. it will kill you to achieve its agenda with is to prevent you from actualizing your self. from becoming who you really are.
The shadow self is called, in the cabalistic lexicon, the yetzer hara. The yetzer hara is what we would call resistance.
Jiu jitsu, through daily practices, looks to kill that shadow self.
Looks to kill all that is inside you that is your ego. That is the reason why i do what I do. And why so many others do. I can’t speak for everyone, but I have learned more in the 6 plus years training Jiu jitsu about myself than 40 years on this earth.
Now Jiu Jitsu doesn’t make you a good person. That is YOUR job. But it does expose your ego and looks to kill it through disciplined training.
I welcome this journey but most of all I welcome the time, to confront all that is small and weak in me.
You realize when you train hard that in reality, you think you have to quit, but you have so so so much more in the basement.
What do you do on a daily basis to rid yourself of your ego?